With the news that Slayer is getting back together after a whole five years of being broken up, fans are now debating whether this reunion is just a shameless cash grab, whether their initial break up was really a hiatus with a planned return from the beginning, or if their reunion lineup is even the “real” Slayer.
I will not be opining on any of those debate topics, but I will be using this as an opportunity to talk about broken up bands that I hope never get back together. Some of these are my favorite bands, some are bands I have never listened to in my entire life, but none are bands I don’t want to reunite simply because I don’t like them. I’m perfectly capable of not attending a concert I don’t think I would enjoy.
However, even though many of these are bands I like, not everything should be brought back. Like Jud Crandall from Pet Sematary said…
Ramones
See above. They didn’t want to be buried in a Pet Sematary.
Bands That Broke Up Because a Member Died
At first, I was going to give each of these bands their own subheading until I realized I could fill an entire list with this category alone, and I’d be saying practically the same thing for each one. So I’ll just run through all of them rapid fire:
Death
Broke up when Chuck Schuldiner, the only consistent member and main songwriter, passed away. I’ve enjoyed a few Death tribute band concerts, but a Death reunion is an oxymoron to say the least.
Woods of Ypres
Like the above, Woods of Ypres broke up when David Gold, the only consistent member and main songwriter, passed away. However, unlike the above, I don’t know of any Woods of Ypres cover bands out there, so if anyone knows of any good ones please leave a comment.
Type O Negative
Broke up when frontman and bassist Peter Steele passed away. Although Steele wasn’t the only consistent member of Type O Negative like the two above bands, the remaining members who stayed in the music industry have made it clear that they will not reunite under the Type O Negative moniker. And one of the remaining members became an EMT before the band even officially broke up.
Lostprophets
If you know why this band broke up, you know why they shouldn’t get back together. If you don’t, I envy you. Do yourself a favor and never look it up.
Black Sabbath
Sharon Osbourne does not need another opportunity to screw musicians who worked with Ozzy out of royalties. She’s done it throughout Ozzy’s solo band (which is called Ozzy’s “solo band” instead of “Blizzard of Ozz” thanks to Sharon), and she did it to Bill Ward on Sabbath’s (hopefully) final reunion. Let’s keep her greedy paws from desecrating Sabbath’s legacy any more than they already have.
Nirvana
Although they obviously broke up because Kurt Cobain died, I am not including them in the “Bands That Broke Up Because a Member Died” section because that’s not why I’m against a Nirvana reunion.
I’m against a Nirvana reunion because Dave Grohl definitely upgraded with Foo Fighters. Why should he put a better band on hold for something that would inevitably become a shameless commercial cash-grab? Especially since Cobain resented Nirvana becoming just that when he was alive.
Also, you just know Courtney Love would start bitching about how she’s owed royalties from the reunion tour as well. Sucks to suck, lady, I think you made out pretty good with the royalties you got when you ordered a hit on your husband your husband tragically took his own life.
Not to mention the guy who was the baby on the Nevermind cover would probably sue them again, too.
Twisted Sister
How Twisted Sister has been able to have a career this long, with this many breakups and reunions, all while only having two songs that anyone can name, is beyond me. But let’s hope their most recent breakup sticks this time, because Dee Snider’s opinions that no one asked for already get enough attention thanks to Metal Injection. He doesn’t need to say them into a mic on stage in front of a packed arena (although I doubt they’d be able to pack an arena these days anyway).
Then again, I tried to think of a play on the lyrics of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” to make fun of the number of reunions they’ve done, but came up blank. So maybe I shouldn’t be so dismissive when I say they “only” had two hit songs.
Dee: “All of it.”
Children of Bodom
This one also doesn’t technically fall under the “Bands That Broke Up Because a Member Died” category because they had broken up before Alexi Laiho passed away. But since Laiho was one of the founding members and primary songwriter, there can be no Children of Bodom now that he is gone.
We can surely count on the remaining members of the band to respect Laiho’s legacy and leave Children of Bodom in the past where it belongs, right? Surely they wouldn’t get together now that they’re the only ones with the rights to the name and launch a “reunion tour?” They definitely wouldn’t have the cajones to say the “reunion tour” was “For the fans. For the brothers. For the legacy.” No one would be that shameless, right?
The Original Batushka
Now that the dust has settled and both Derph and Bart have released albums under their respective bands both named Batushka, it is clear that Derph was the mastermind behind the original incarnation of the band and Bart is a grifting fraud.
Sure, Bart’s version may be the one with the money to tour North America, but I’d rather Derph stick to his principles and release another good album that I’ll never hear live over a mediocre album with a reunited, touring Batushka. Not that either version of Batushka seems in any particular hurry to release a new album.
And speaking of frauds who mislead their fans…
Nachtmystium
As much as I like their music, I also like knowing that as long as they are broken up I actually have a chance of receiving my order when I buy their merch online.
