“So why weren’t you packing one of those holy weapons when you broke into Porter’s office last night?” Travis asked Purple Hair sardonically.
Purple Hair, barely noticing the joke, replied “Holy weapons are incredibly rare. Not just anyone has them. Let alone an entire arsenal of them. In fact, from what I remember in the Encyclopaedia Daemonica entry, they were supposed to be entirely theoretical. The entry said there was no hard evidence of their existence, but cited several examples where their existence could have explained several unusual events.”
“Yeah, that seems to be a recurring theme in that book,” I muttered before speaking up, “What’s a holy weapon? How do you know these are holy weapons?”
“Let’s go back into the living room and sit down,” Purple Hair said.
I realized I needed to ask Purple Hair a lot fewer questions if I wanted to have a productive band rehearsal.
Once in the living room, Purple hair started to explain, “Human beings have observed a lot of unexplained phenomena throughout our existence. As time has progressed and our understanding of the world around us has improved, we’ve been able to progressively explain more of it. However, there’s still plenty that evades our understanding: bigfoot, the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and of course, demons. Andolini’s intention was to increase our understanding of the latter. When he wrote Encyclopaedia Daemonica, his criterion for whether an unexplained phenomenon would get an entry was its ability to somehow evade the laws of physics as we understand them. Although we don’t understand bigfoot, the chupacabra, or the Loch Ness Monster, we understand them enough to know that they are corporeal beings composed of the same matter as the rest of the universe, following the same laws. But if you do something like Maggie did, that’ll get you in the Encyclopaedia.”
“What about aliens?” Travis asked, “They’re supposed to be composed of the same matter as us, but people have seen them break the laws of physics.”
If Travis dragged this conversation on any longer I was going to wake him up at 3 AM again to make up for the rehearsal time we were now wasting.
“Sure,” Purple Hair replied, undaunted by Travis’s challenge, “Back in the old times people would claim they saw strange beings they called demons. Now they’re claiming they’re seeing aliens. Maybe they’re the same thing. Or maybe Andolini misclassified a few of these unexplained phenomena. But sailors also used to misclassify manatees as ‘mermaids’ before we understood what manatees were. You’ve gotta start the discovery process somewhere, and that’s what Andolini did.”
“Considering you can’t find his book anywhere, it looks like he ended the discovery process in the same place,” I muttered.
Purple Hair ignored me and continued, “Not all of the entities with entries in the Encyclopaedia can do what Maggie did; many have more limited abilities, like being able to vanish and reappear…”
Crap, how many times had Charlie done that?
“…but there’s several who have been observed to display far more fantastic, and terrifying abilities. From what Andolini observed, there tended to be a link between the age of the demon and the power of its abilities…”
Hold on. Didn’t Encyclopaedia Daemonica say Chernobog was about a thousand years old? If Charlie was that old, wouldn’t he have cooler powers than what we had seen from him?
“…But despite these supernatural abilities, Andolini apparently found a few sources that claimed ordinary people like you and I have been able to defeat these things. The sources vary by time period and location, and the people who allegedly defeated these demons range from commoners to kings, but the sources all share one thing in common: the witnesses always claim the hero wielded a bizarre-looking device. Whenever the hero struck the demon with this device, the demon would howl out in anguish before disappearing for good. Some theorize that the demons are composed of an entirely different material from what we know in our universe, allowing them to break our laws of physics. But these devices, the holy weapons, are also composed of some foreign material as well, possibly the same material as the demons, which is why they look so strange to us. Either way, they allow their wielder to disintegrate, destroy, or de-something these demons.”
“Wait a minute,” I objected, “Didn’t you do just that when you encountered Maggie? You didn’t mention having any ‘holy weapon’ then.”
“I didn’t have one, you’re right,” she responded, “But I think Maggie disappeared of her own accord that night.”
“What do you mean?” I continued to challenge her, “You told her you weren’t interested, and she wasn’t happy with you or Andolini about that. But she still disappeared. Does that sound like that was of her own accord?”
Purple Hair pursed her lips, “Look, I’m not saying I understand all of this. I’m just telling you what I remember. And I know I remember the entry on holy weapons. I must have read it a hundred times. If they exist, they’re in Charlie’s garage.”
“Why would Charlie need a stockpile of holy weapons?” Travis asked.
“I don’t know that, either,” Purple Hair replied, “I was hoping you could tell me that.”
If Purple Hair was correct, I probably should have been worried, or at least curious. But at this point, our upcoming battle of the bands audition was a much more compelling, and proven to exist, priority.
“And I wish we had the answer as well, Ms. Hemway-Fischer, but we’re here for band rehearsal, not detective work. Travis and I have already tried that and failed, several times. You said you wanted important stuff like this to be left to the experts, so we’ll turn the paranormal investigations over to you. As experts in brutality, Travis and I need to hone our craft. Let’s go back to the studio, Travis.”
Travis shot Purple Hair an apologetic look, but obliged.