Travis and I both looked at each as we played the last chord of our song and grinned like idiots.
Clap, clap, clap, “Great job guys!” Rick, the organizer of the Battle of the Bands said as he applauded, “Alright, fifteen minutes to unload your stuff before the next band comes on. I’ll shoot you an email by tomorrow with our decision. Thanks for coming!”
Purple Hair, trying to sound supportive as we loaded our gear into her car, said “That was some heavy stuff, guys! Very, uh, brutal!…Was it supposed to sound like that?”
“Yeah it was!” I replied in excitement, “That was the best we had ever played it so far! And we did it all without that stupid demon meathead!” Travis and I both pumped our fists in the air.
“That’s great!” Purple Hair said, sounding genuinely excited for us, “So what are you going to do if you get accepted into Battle of the Bands?”
“Keep rehearsing, I guess,” I answered, “There are twelve bands auditioning for five spots in the Battle of the Bands. I heard a few of them are even from Montréal. Whoever wins a spot is going to bring it. We’ll have to as well.”
“Why do you ask?” Travis said with a smirk, “You looking to fill our open drummer spot?”
“Ha ha! I don’t know if I can help you with that,” Purple Hair laughed, “I ask because you’re still grounded, right? I’m flying down this highway right now to make sure you’re both home in time before your parents get suspicious.”
My dad had given me permission to bike to the local strip mall and buy my mom a birthday present, but he was keeping me to a strict two-hour limit before I had to be home. “Otherwise I’m calling the police to report a runaway child,” he threatened.
Travis’s parents, despite how badly they had chewed him out last Monday, just as easily forgot about it when their employer scheduled them to meet with Congressman Whatsisface this weekend. He still had to be careful, however, otherwise his little brother or sister would rat on him.
“Uhhh,” I confidently replied. I had been so focused on making sure we crushed the audition I hadn’t even considered what would come after that.
“If you make the cut you’d still have to rehearse in Charlie’s house as long as you’re grounded, right?”
“Yeeees?” I answered.
“Well, if you make the Battle of the Bands, how about we continue our arrangement? I can still drive you to Charlie’s house after school, that way you can tell your parents I’m holding you after class,” Purple Hair suggested.
Travis and I looked at each other, not sure how to answer. I wasn’t sure I liked how Purple Hair was now using one of our weak points, being grounded, as leverage. We had been the ones making the proposals up until this point. What did she have to gain from continuing our arrangement?
“You don’t need to give me an answer now, but let me know if that’s something you’d like to do on Monday if you make the cut,” she said.
–
The next day, my parents called me to meet with them at the kitchen table.
“Eric, we’ve noticed you’ve been putting in a lot of effort to make up for your little ‘after school program’ debacle,” my dad said, “Mrs. Porter told us you and Travis had a productive conversation with her and reached an understanding…”
I guess that would be technically true.
“…Ms. Hemway-Fischer says you’ve been dutifully attending her after-class sessions to improve your grades…”
Almost true.
“…And you remembered your mother’s birthday and were back in two hours, like I asked.”
I was back in two hours, that much was true.
“Daaad, that’s supposed to be a secret!” I played along, simultaneously wondering where I would find the time to buy the birthday gift my dad thought I already bought.
My parents both chuckled. My mom continued, “Because it’s been nearly a week since we first grounded you, your father and I decided it was time to unground you…”
The elation must have shown in my face, since before I could shout out in excitement my mom continued,
“…on one condition.”
I froze mid-shout.
“Ms. Hemway-Fischer brought something important to our attention that we really should have noticed earlier: your grades have been declining over the past month. We think it’s time to start looking into some extracurriculars for improving your grades.”
“What?!” I screamed in astonishment instead, “I’m still passing, aren’t I? I don’t have anything lower than a C.”
“C minus,” my dad corrected.
“That’s still passing!” I continued to object.
“Mark, please!” my mom interrupted before my dad could continue the debate, “Eric, we think you can do better. And we think you know you can do better, too…”
I wanted to explain to my mother how pre-calculus had no relevance to my career path of being a metal god, but I knew she’d be deaf to reason.
“…So that’s why we decided it would be best for you to ask Ms. Hemway-Fischer if you can continue to visit her after school until you have at least a B minus average in all your classes. Since you’ve already started working with her, we feel it only makes sense to continue.”
“And she’s free,” my dad joked.
“Mark, please!”
“What if Purple Hair doesn’t have time to meet with me after school every day?” I asked.
“Then we’ll have to find you another tutoring service,” my mom answered, “So you have no reason to lie to us and say she didn’t have time for you when you didn’t even ask. You’ll be doing extra tutoring either way.”
“And we’ll be calling her office on Tuesday to make sure you asked her on Monday,” my dad added, “Because I’m not about to pay for a tutoring service if she’s available for free.”
“Mark!” My mom prodded my dad before turning her attention back to me, “Do we have an agreement, Eric?”
“Yes,” I replied, groaning a little. If I didn’t already want to get into the Battle of the Bands, now I really wanted to get in. Otherwise I’d be stuck actually doing what my parents thought I had been doing after school for the past week: studying. After successfully negotiating both Porter and Purple Hair into a corner, I didn’t take well to being on the losing end of an agreement. Finding out Charlie had played Travis and I when we made our agreement instead of the other way around was bad enough. I couldn’t afford to let this be a habit.
I checked my email later that day hoping for some better news. I got it. Rick had emailed me extending an invitation for Chernobog to play at the Battle of the Bands in just under two weeks.
–
“Travis! You’re not going to believe this!” I blurted out as soon as I saw him at the bus stop the next morning.
“We got into the Battle of the Bands? I know, Rick copied me on the email, too.”
“No, not that! I’m not grounded anymore! What about you?”
“Well, my parents didn’t say anything about me being ungrounded, but I’m pretty sure that’s because they forgot they had grounded me in the first place,” Travis answered, “They couldn’t really be bothered to be on my back with the big meeting they had last weekend. When I got the email that we were accepted into Battle of the Bands I told them I needed to stay after school for a couple more weeks. They were just like ‘Yeah, whatever. Your brother and sister can just watch TV until you get home.’”
I guess there were some advantages to having parents who weren’t involved in your life.
“The only thing they’re holding me to is this,” Travis reached into a side pocket in his backpack and produced a small, silver object.
“Your parents got you a cell phone?!” I blurted out in astonishment and jealousy.
“Yeah,” Travis answered, “They use this to keep track of me. They’ll text or call me occasionally while I’m out and if I don’t respond or pick up I’ll be in trouble again.”
“Oh man, that must suck,” I said, rolling my eyes, “Dude, you got a cell phone, you’re so lucky!”
“Yeah, lucky me! Now I can call all my friends whenever I want like…you. On your parents’ landline.”
Okay, he had a point there.
“Well, you might also need it to call Purple Hair,” I replied, “Because it looks like we’ll need to take her up on her offer to drive us to Charlie’s house for the next two weeks…also my parents want me to continue ‘studying’ with her after school to improve my grades.”
“Speaking of parents,” Travis began, “How are we going to break the good news that we made it into Battle of the Bands to our parents without admitting we had still been rehearsing the entire time?”
Crap. Even when my parents ungrounded me they still made my life difficult. I guessed I would have to…
SCREEEEEEEEECH!
…think of an answer to that problem later, since our bus was here.
–
“I only offered to give you a lift to band rehearsal, Eric. Not to help you cheat on your grades so your parents will get off your back,” Purple Hair replied indignantly.
“Shhh! Don’t say it so loud!” I said in exasperation, putting my ear to Purple Hair’s office door to make sure no one in the hallway was there to hear us.
“Why? Out of some loyalty to the academic integrity of a school system who have all sold their souls to demons?” Travis asked, “What have you got to lose?”
I wasn’t sure why Travis felt the need to back me up in this conversation. Not that I was complaining, but all he needed was a ride to Charlie’s house to rehearse, which he already had. His parents couldn’t even be bothered to stick to their guns when they grounded him, let alone keep up with his grades.
“Oh, I dunno, my job?” Purple Hair answered sarcastically, “Despite my recent discoveries about America’s education system, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I still believe in empowering younger generations. Also I’m barely keeping up with my bills as it is.”
“Well, the first step to keeping that job is not talking about this in your office,” I hissed, “If we could eavesdrop on your boss from outside her office, what makes you think this one is any better?”
Continuing this conversation in Purple Hair’s car, I asked “Would you prefer prison to unemployment?”
Purple Hair shot a threatening look back at me, dangerously taking her eyes off the road.
“What are you talking about?” she growled, glaring at me.
“Trespassing. Twice. While armed. Brandishing said arm at minors,” I listed her offenses, “No lawyer, but that’s gotta mean time. Good thing the only people who know about it are so good at keeping secrets! You wouldn’t want that to change, would you?”
Travis was staring at me in astonishment, as if we had never threatened to reveal a secret that would get someone in trouble before. Sorry buddy, you tried the carrot and it didn’t work. Now it was time for the stick.
“You trespassed too!” Purple Hair weakly responded, now giving me a pleading look instead of an angry look. And instead of looking at the road. Maybe moving this conversation from her office to her car wasn’t the best idea after all.
“Sure, but that’s our word against yours. And the only other dirt you have on us is some mildly offensive lyrics we got caught writing in history class.”
Not entirely true, she had way more dirt on us than that. But my point remained. I continued:
“You, on the other hand, knew Giuseppe Andolini. He’s the reason you’re not a member of the teachers union. The same teachers union who now has it in for you. The same teachers union who got Andolini’s book taken off almost every shelf in America. Maybe the world. And who’s heard from Andolini since his encounter with you? Where is he now? Wherever he is, I’m sure he wishes he were in prison!”
“Stop!” Purple Hair cried. This time I actually shut up. We were in Charlie’s neighborhood at this point and I didn’t need Purple Hair distractedly running over a kid on my conscience. Because I was such an upstanding guy like that. As Purple Hair parked in front of Charlie’s house, she lay her arms and face down upon the dashboard. “You win,” she sputtered, “I’ll change your grades. I’ll drive you to rehearsal. I’ll do anything you want. Just please don’t tell on me.”
“Great! Glad we could reach an understanding!” I lightheartedly exclaimed as if I hadn’t just threatened her with imprisonment or worse.
As I got out of Purple Hair’s car and walked toward Charlie’s front door, I noticed Travis wasn’t following me. Looking back, I saw him still in Purple Hair’s car, saying something to her as he opened the door to exit. Although she still had her face down in the dashboard, she nodded her head in response.
Travis glared at me as he got out of the car, followed me inside, and entered the recording studio. The split second he shut the sound-proofed door he barked at me, “What was that just now? We find one friend in this school, probably the whole town, and you threaten her? She was already volunteering to help us out! That wasn’t enough for you?” I kept a straight face and let him continue. I had a perfect response to all his accusations. It was just a matter of when to say it.
“You had to get your grades up to impress your stupid parents,” Travis continued his lecture, reverting to a nasally, mocking tone when he said “stupid parents,” “What’s metal about that? I thought you were supposed to be the most brutal guy in Felmore! Sounds like you’re the biggest Boy Scout in Felmore to me!”
That remark almost made me break my poker face. What did his cell phone-owning arse know about being held to tough grading standards? His parents didn’t care! Never mind, I still had my retort. He would say something to trigger it at any second.
Travis continued his rant, “You already pulled this stunt with Tom Seiks, and somehow you got me to go along with it! Well not this time! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You did a bang-up job of continuing this band without a drummer, but try seeing if you can do it without a bassist as well. I’m out! And don’t you dare try pulling that ‘you’re my best friend’ crap again like you did in the library!”
As Travis reached for the door handle I finally spoke up, “Oh, we’re more than best friends, Travis. I don’t have to play that card to get you to stay. You need me. Just like I need you. There’s no getting away from each other.”
Travis stopped his arm and turned around to look at me like I was crazy. Before he could say anything I continued, “Tom Seiks wasn’t a friend, and neither is Purple Hair. They’re both tools for us. And when a tool stops being useful, you dispose of it. Like we did with Tom. Purple Hair still has some mileage in her, but I’m not about to let her believe she is anything other than a tool. You talked about her volunteering to help us as if it was a good thing, but it wasn’t. It meant she believed we were on equal footing, that she had something to gain from the proposal as well. She wouldn’t have offered otherwise. Shoot, she could have even been playing us like Charlie did. Maybe she’ll still get what she wants out of our agreement, but it’s our agreement. We set the terms. She obeys.”
Travis shook his head, “You set the terms, Eric. Not me. You know what? I was wrong about what I said earlier. You are the most brutal guy in Felmore. Goodbye.”
As he continued to reach for the doorknob I finally pulled out the ace I had up my sleeve, “You didn’t set the terms, Travis? Then why did you tell Purple Hair to boost your grades as well back in her car?”
Travis dropped his arm entirely as he whirled around to face me. “You heard that?!” he exclaimed.
I finally dropped my poker face for a satisfying grin, “Why do you need to have your grades boosted? Your parents don’t even care. And you’re not grounded anymore!”
“I only asked for a C average,” Travis weakly protested, staring at the floor, “I feel like an idiot showing my dad all these D’s. Maybe if it looks like I’m trying he’ll think I have potential and stop writing me off as a lost cause.”
Despite the evil villain monologue I had just delivered, I actually did feel a little sorry for Travis when he said that. He was still my friend, after all. But not sorry enough to not make my point:
“Face it, Travis. You’re just as brutal as me. Well, almost as brutal. That’s why we need each other. Not just because we’re friends. Because we’re brutal. We’re the only brutal guys in Felmore now that Charlie’s gone. And the whole world is going to hear our brutality, starting with the Battle of the Bands. Now let’s start shredding.”